Sunday, May 25, 2014

Getting ready to heal

For a long while now I have felt that life has lost its sparkle. Or maybe I lost my sparkle. I thought that my mind was telling my body tales, telling it that I'm tired, telling it that life is too much effort. We all know how our minds play tricks on our body.
All the time my body was trying to tell my mind that something evil has taken root, and that I'm not well. It was almost a relief when medical science pinpointed the disease a week ago. Even now that I know where the lumps are, and can imagine them lurking there like glow-in-the-dark monsters, the signals from my body are of discomfort, not pain.
My mind on the other hand, is shrieking in agony and cowering in a corner. As though someone suddenly shone a blinding light in my eyes. After the scars on my body have healed, it will take a long time to smooth the ripples in my spiritual calm.
Right now I need to concentrate on the physical world. Surgery, recovery. Setting aside the needs of others to look after myself.
This last is very difficult for me. I feel helpless and swamped with guilt. Leaning heavily on my partner, my family and friends. Letting down my customers. Depriving my household of income.
Later will come a time when I have to deal with the emotional impact of what has happened to me. No escaping the fact that this is a life altering experience.


  1. Megan, it's time to let go of those guilty feelings, you are not super human and can't heal the world. It is now time to to put yourself first, take care of your upcoming surgery and recovery. And remember, people love you, we are praying for you, worried and don't want you to worry about not getting a bear making post out on time, or having to cancel some of your classes. People care about YOU.

    Let your family and friends surround you with their love and support. You know, and I know you do, that it makes us feel needed when someone is depending on you for that love and support. You just get well and know that people all over the world are thinking of you and praying.


  2. It is so easy to give and so hard to receive. Now is your time to receive all the care and love family and friends can give you.
    Hugs Kay

  3. Thinking of you my friend. Lovely to have spoken to you. Now is the time to shut out all your worries and think only of ME TIME!! Hope everything goes well and am sending special prayers for all the medical staff that will be dealing with you later today and asking that they be given guidance in whatever decisions they have to make. Get well soon and take your time to recover.

  4. So sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time. Thinking of you sooo much - rooting for you from this end of the world. Praying for the skill of all concerned and for your full recovery! Lots and lots of bear hugs